How To Write Stuff That Doesn’t Suck (And Actually Makes Money)
Let’s cut the crap.
You’ve been told the Pareto Principle means 20% of your content gets 80% of the results. Wrong.
In reality? 5% of content gets 95% of the views, sales, and attention. The rest? Lost in the digital landfill with expired coupon blogs and your aunt’s Facebook rants about kale smoothies.
Why?
Because 95% of content is BORING.
Dryer than a tax seminar. More repetitive than a toddler asking “why?” More cliché than a motivational poster with a sunset.
But you? You’re here to join the 5%. Let’s fix your writing.
Step 1: Stop Writing Like a Robot (And Start Writing Like a Human)
Newsflash: Nobody cares about your “industry-leading solutions” or “20 years of excellence.”
Write like you’re explaining something to a friend at a bar. Casual. Punchy. Real.
Like this.
Use short sentences. Fragments? Sure. Grammar rules? Optional.
Long sentences are fine too—if they’re spicy. But mostly? Keep it tight.
Example of bad writing:
“We’re a family-owned business with decades of experience committed to delivering unparalleled customer satisfaction.”
Translation: “We’re old and desperate.”
Example of good writing:
“You know that click when a website just works? Yeah, we build that.”
See the difference?
Step 2: Hook ‘Em Like a Shark (And Never Let Go)
Your first sentence isn’t an introduction—it’s a lasso.
If you don’t grab readers in 3 seconds, they’re gone. Forever.
Bad hook: “In today’s competitive marketplace, businesses must…”
Good hook: “Here’s why your ads are bleeding money…”
Great hook: “Your marketing sucks. Let’s fix it.”
Your job? Make readers physically unable to scroll past. Use:
Bold statements
Questions that slap (“Still using 2010 strategies in 2024?”)
Confession-style openers (“I wasted $10K on ads last month. Here’s why…”)
Step 3: Nobody Cares About You (Sorry)
Repeat after me: “The reader is the hero.”
Your blog posts, ads, and scripts aren’t about you—they’re about them.
Bad: “We’re award-winning designers!”
Good: “Tired of websites that look like a 2005 MySpace page? Let’s fix that.”
People scroll for two reasons:
“What’s in it for me?”
“Prove you get my problem.”
Skip the ego stroking. Start with their pain points.
Step 4: Murder the Fluff (And Get to the Point)
Your reader isn’t stupid. They’ve got the attention span of a TikTok-addicted squirrel.
So:
Ditch jargon (“leveraging synergies” → “make stuff work better”)
Kill weak verbs (“utilize” → “use”)
Slash adverbs (“very unique” → “unique”)
Example:
“We strategically facilitate impactful omnichannel solutions.” → “We get you more sales. Everywhere.”
Step 5: Fight Skepticism Like a Gladiator
Your reader’s inner voice is screaming:
“This is too good to be true.”
“What’s the catch?”
“Ugh, another sales pitch.”
Address these out loud.
Example:
“Wait—isn’t this just another SEO scam?”
Nope. We hate those too. Here’s exactly how we’re different…
Trust isn’t built by ignoring doubts. It’s built by slapping them on the table.
Final Tip: Read This Aloud (Seriously)
If your writing sounds like a TED Talk given by a sleep-deprived HR manager… start over.
Read it out loud.
Where do you stumble?
Where does it feel stiff?
Would you actually say this to a human?
Fix those spots. Repeat.
P.S. Want me to rewrite your limp, lifeless copy into something that actually sells?
Hit reply. I’ll personally:
Tear apart your current content
Show you exactly why it’s underperforming
Give you a roadmap to fix it
No charge. No obligation. Just real talk. https://naib.se/free-marketing-analysis/
—Ramzy (Professional Fluff-Slayer, Amateur Whiskey Connoisseur)
Sound very good.